"I'm learning to walk again."- Foo Fighters
I wanted to take a moment and tell you a story about the Host of Sound Pollution and the woman behind this blog, and why she started this podcast. She is a spicy fucking disaster, Like when wasabi is mistaken for guacamole. She's screwed up too many times to count, she's given it her all and still lost everything, multiple fucking times. She's, a wreck, but she's stubborn, and usually she keeps moving forward. Believe it or not that's not always a good thing. Like, "Stop being an idiot, stay down, your getting killed out there." Nope, she can't do that, she doesn't know how. She's even been known to get back up and scream, "Hit me like a man you little bitch!". That is, until the last time...
The last time almost killed her, She took the hit and stayed down for a LONG while. Turns out the constant rejection in her career and personal life had a mean left hook. She is usually a tiger, but this time the hit was too hard, It hurt too bad, it cost too much. So she laid down, wallowing in the darkness and pain. Because honestly, how many damn times can have your feet completely swept out from under you before you just give up? Before you loose your way? So, that's what she did at first, she just closed her eyes, gave in, and laid down on the side of the road.
Then she felt a small hand in her hand. She opened her eyes a little. There was her 14-year-old baby girl staring down at her, with unsure and scared eyes, comforting her. "This isn't your fault Mamma." Well That lit a fire in her. Actually that pissed her the fuck off. She should be caring for her daughter, not the other way around. She opened her eyes all the way and found she still had friends and family who cared for her rooting her on. She could not stay down there, not like this, not with those eyes on her. At first she only did what HAD to be done, and nothing more. She cared for her kid, went to therapy, went to work, and slept. For weeks that was all she did. Monotonous as it was it kept her going.
Slowly, that little fire of anger in her belly, turned into a full on rage. She was still sad, she is still a little sad (honestly). But the anger burned brighter than literally anything else. "Fuck this!" She said. "I can do all those things, all by my damn self! I am gonna make so much damn noise!" Well that was a lie. We never really do anything completely by ourselves. Her best friend gave her a laptop. She reached out to musicians she knew would do interviews, and a new friend sat with her while she nervously recorded her first episode. The anger had pulled her to her feet, her people held her firm, she moved forward and Sound Pollution was created.
Learning to walk again is a long slow process. But with the love of the people around her, hard work, and unyielding stubbornness, She has done just that. Now, her feet are still bruised and bloodied. Often she leaves a little trail behind her as she stumbles along, but she keeps going. She doesn't fully know where she is walking, she just knows she has to keep going and she cant give up. One episode after the next, one foot in front of the other. Is it easy? Hell no. Is it worth it? Every excruciating step.
So, if your feeling beaten down, and you don't know where your going. Remember if she was able to learn to walk again (figuratively speaking). So can you, left foot than right foot, one step at a time. Some people will try to knock you off your path. They will hurt you, and anger you, and betray you. They aren't going with you to your destination, so just keep walking. Other times, you will have to let the good people you meet help you, and steady you, and love you. They will keep you on your path. They will walk with you. When all else fails use your anger to keep you going. Just Keep going and keep making noise. You'll get to where you need to be.